想说

这个blog我好久都没用
记得以前心情很好时会上来写 慢慢的心情不好时都会时常上来写
再慢慢的 心情很不好时也不会上来写了
觉得没人帮到我 写了又能怎样 就这样不想写了

话说回来最近我过得很好
sifu如果你还有再看我的blog，我想说我过得很好
这些年遇到很多很多的挫折
不是很会和别人分享我的挫折也不大想说
就这样自己硬着头怎样都要克服所有的挫折
自己哭 自己不说话 自己告诉自己死不了
就这样我真的活下来了
自己一个人其实也没什么不好

慢慢的适应学校的环境 慢慢接受身边朋友的性格 真真假假 什么pattern的人事物 我都慢慢学会接受
也慢慢的自己可以独立 慢慢的觉得自己真的可以活得很好
心情不好就睡 想哭就哭 想笑就笑 想逃就逃 想唱就唱 想喊就喊
那很好
很舒服
反正没人管 我就是要这样

淋着雨取车 天黑了也要走很远去取车 朋友的聚会 别人有专人情人载 而我需要自己去 不会路， 自己去。考试自己读书， assignment自己做自己熬夜，饿了自己买便当， 要不直接回家
有时我会怕 我会哭 我会觉得自己为什么要去 为什么不要干脆接受别人 找个伴算了
帮不到我 至少心灵上可以得到安慰 至少这些可能因为有了另一半不用自己过
谁不想被安慰 谁不想有人陪 有谁不想？ 真的。
过后
转了一圈我还是活化石
我可以一个人过
我真的可以

想一下就算一个人变成两个人我会不会过得很好
可能吧
我看到朋友好像拍拖后过得不错
可是我不一样
我想尝试 却顾虑很多
所以我跟妈妈说可能我会需要相亲 我觉得相亲其实不错
可以不用想那么多 相亲代表年龄不小 没有选择 所以相亲
不用麻烦 就这样一起 就这样不想想就一起
至少相亲是爸爸妈妈接受的对象
没有什么不好
因为标准 爸爸妈妈觉得好 我也会觉得好
就这样应该很好
就这样没有爱情的面包应该不错

说到爱情不要问因为我真的不知道是什么
我够格吗？
我不够勇敢我的顾虑很多 我不知道面对感情应该要怎样
我不知道我能给对方什么 因为目前我觉得自己还过得很好
自己一个人也过得很好
我应该不需要那么的一个人吧 应该不需要 我可以自己一个人
所以我还是活化石
自己不够好的活化石 自己知道自己是个什么料的活化石
我想安安稳稳的赶快过完大学三年
想赶快逃离考试的压力 逃离自己的不安 自己的不开心
真的大学真的没有想象的那么好玩
我想回家
我想我的床
我的狗
我是这样想

不知不觉在大学懵懵懂懂过了两年
谁会知道这个学期会发生什么
我只想赶快过
可是就在我平淡的大学生活中
这个学期里我认识了一班朋友
一班可以随时吃饭 一班很傻， 一班可以很直接说话的朋友
有时候我真的觉得他们疯了，怎么可以有朋友可以这样疯
我很幸运的遇上了
真的
我不大会想回家我想和他们吃饭我会和他们留下来吃饭讨论一些课业一起做运动
甚至一起分享心事 不会全部透露可是至少我们可以聊
不是完全什么都跟他们说 可是奇迹啊 我真心想和他们相处
只是还是觉得一个人其实还是很好的

我可以一个人

然后你不知道有一天这些疯癫的日子我遇到谁
一个和其他男生一样问我的偶像问我的狗约我看电影
只是他的优势是可以约我念书
只要是对课业有帮助
我可以出来 我觉得两个人念书可以
尤其是那个韩文 上了课都不会 然后自己没抽时间复习 一开始上课就想回家的韩文
我想要一起念 我不想放弃韩文
况且和弟弟念韩文觉得不会怎样
会进步为什么不去
然后真的单纯觉得有朋友一起念书 好像很不错， 所以我去了

对了他叫吴家阳，小我一年，对他第一印象不是很好
谁知道我现在可以和他很好很好

身为女生谁不知道当一个男生对你特别好然后约你出去是什么意思
可是很明显我不想知道 最好不要让我知道
因为姐没尝试过 也不想尝试
姐很乖 姐一个人过可以很好
所以很自然刚开始谈天我喜欢用姐来称呼自己
你姐我 你姐我
这样一来我不会觉得我自己给人家希望
这样一来我不会有任何麻烦
我还是可以保持着自己一个人可以很好的心态

然后这个人告诉我他的情史他告诉我他不要像啊喵那样拖泥带水的感情
我承认 我赞成
毕竟我是我 他是他
他有他自己的想法很好
这个时候姐的第一感觉是这个弟人不错
只是我们的想法都不一样
做朋友很好
我还是得一个人 ， 一个人很好

就这样一起念书
一起讨论，一起聊天
这么多男性朋友能让我觉得聊的没压力会想聊下去
不多
他可以说是其中一个
慢慢的我们可以一起吃饭
人家说我难约 可是那次的第一次我想吃啊
就去了
吃了饭，没感觉，觉得做朋友可以很好
反正他没表示我觉得一起吃饭还可以
我觉得很好
虽然当下的我觉得一个人， 一个人还可以很好

念书的第一次吃早餐的第一次造就了很多
我没想过这个人让我称姐了还要持续和我吃饭
他脸皮会不会太厚他到底懂不懂我称姐的意思
问题是我会不会太不stick to我的原则
不随便吃饭 上完课就回家 这些原则
我会开始问我自己怎么了
别人会问我怎么了
我不习惯
我不喜欢变化 我习惯自己的习惯
我不习惯自己的不习惯
还是觉得自己一个人可以很好
觉得自己不够好 知道自己是什么料
我不想改变
我怕

可想说吴家阳这个人对我很好
他知道我在想什么
他知道我想表达的是什么
别人或许会误会我想表达的 可是他应该知道
他知道我不吃早餐 他会买 他会做
他知道我最近怕胖 不吃多 他会帮我吃
他会陪我一起走 下雨的时候他会帮我撑伞
他知道我伤心的时候 会给予我空间 给我拍拍我的肩
他可以静静的听我诉苦
他可以半夜打给我听我诉苦
他很恶心 他很肉麻 他很贴心
可是我给不到他什么

可想说我知道他对我的好
我都知道
他要什么我怎么会不知道
可我给不到
我不想浪费他的时间
有那么一刻我真的想就这样好下去
可也有那么一刻我想直接撇下他转身就走
我知道因为我的给不到 我必须直接 我必须让他知道他应该离开
我每次都说外面还有很多女生 很好很好的都有 要漂亮的 要瘦的 高的 矮的 都有
所以不需要等我 因为我给不了什么
我只会浪费时间 真的很抱歉

可是很感谢这个人的出现
因为他姐不寂寞

Peace. :)

A little out of the most

Since when I have left this place.
Been trying to forget all the things that I never expect and drawn me out of my comfort zone.
Yet, it did not work.
For me, it didn't work in that way.

Insane people

It has been more than half year to be a Taylorian.
Currently everything is great except some assignments to rush on
that I have to crack my head and of course spend my time for them.
Perhaps people are still the same, or maybe I should say there are lots of smarts asses here :P
Bunch of scholars and people that really put their hard works on studies.
They study hard and play hard. They sleep, and they socialize with lots of people.

Insane right. hahaha.

Great people in Uni I would say, not really typical clubbing kind of people that people always say.
Geez, some more they are all so smart and hardworking I mean like what the heck
It is not like people say you got money then you can get into a private Uni and get a degree.
Hell all we need to do is still the same, get your direction and study
No short cuts I mean yes, NO SHORT CUTS. LOL
Okay, guess still lots of things to learn and people to meet.
I can do this. :)

差劲

我真的好差劲 连电话都不敢接

没有勇气面对 也没有脸面对

自己啊都觉得自己很rude

可是又能怎样？

有时候苦真的只有自己知道

真的没有人能体会， 因为我们永远都不能成为别人

别人得condition也和我们不一样

说能体会的 真的能感受到的

都是骗人的吧

人生

真的就是笑笑别人，在让人笑笑自己吧

有时候被脑袋说服了 却被自己的心背叛

还需要多久你才要平复

需要多久才不需要逃避

haters gonna hate, and I'm gonna hate you.

Damn la.
I damn hate those aunties you know, keep on talking, talking like there's no others.
Laugh la laugh.
fat so what la, short so what la.
and you ah, can you stop asking me those questions?
Feel so annoyed.

the half and the extra one, July.

It's been so long to reach here, typing, and writing about life.
Life is unexpected. Life is imperfect.
But I'm gonna tell you, my life, is perfect because of all the unexpected and imperfect things and people.

ups and down.

Especially failures, I've been meeting them a lot throughout all these while.
Blocking myself from the people outside, wondering why my life is so miserable. I called it hell life.
So yea, hell life. why.
you never know, until you fell, and you know what is marine eyes.
It's been half year, to have a different life, to meet new friends, to change to a new place to study and to welcome my new life.
I didn't feel any better till, with my head phones on, or sleeps. I've found myself a better way to chill and to stay calm.
I believe time can heal everything and so I've tried to live my life to the fullest.
At least, not to cry and be better, be happy. :)
Maybe everything is bad right now, but as time goes by, we all will eventually get there, happy. :)


My birthday. The best part, yet. :)
Thank you peeps!
For the birthday wishes, surprise, birthday songs, Kah Jun's video, presents and the most important part, Memories.
Not to forget, my family. I love them and there's no doubt that besides my friends, they're the one that support me throughout my hard times.
I feel so blessed. :)


will update the photos these few days! :)

.

so zi bei :(

New life.

March, I've been so so busy lately and perhaps, for the following months..
Gone through the darkest time in my life so far.
Since I wouldn't know I will have to suffer all these so I listed the darkest time for myself.
What would you react If you would have to open your results in front all your peers and teachers? haha. weird feeling.
What would you react If you're receiving many texts and calls or even facebook and Twitter, asking about your darkest days? oh, you don't want to.
There're too many hardest time that I've gone through these days. Like learn how to drive till my University, have to meet new friends, have to reply all questions from friends, parents, teachers, cousins, aunties etc, owh yea, some stupid questions that pulled my moods down, gotta learn new things like QM for Business, accounting, study econs all in English and so so many other things that I have to resist on in order to pick myself up.
The best thing is at least I've settled down my tertiary education and all these have to thank my greatest parents. They're the one who accompanied me through my lowest point in life and they're always by my side. They left me on my own to pick myself up and let me know I still have three years to persue my degree and in three years time, to buckle up my personalities before stepping into the real world.
Besides, wanna thanks Wong Fu cause their videos did help me to have some great laughs. I'm so glad that they reblogged my comments (Y) Wong Fu For Lyfe ! :)
Across clear skies, among glowing stars, that's where I will find us.

Full stopped.

That little canon camera is mine right now.

nuff said.

Night is still young

When you sleep with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part.

When you try to let it go, trying alone is the challenging part.

Life's like that, I like being alone actually, but I'm afraid I will really become a loner in the rest of my life.

When I think of this, I will think of my family. At least I feel better in this way :)

Maybe It's not the time to hold a hand. Yet, I've seen too much of people out there, that they're not really ready to get a partner. They're definitely not even ready to make a promise that what they've always said, Forever. 

FOREVER?! LOL.

This and that is life. Peace out ! :)

Am waiting from you guys.

From Pasadena.

Please, at least let me know something!

Be thankful

I'm here, with a different me. :)

feel so loved cause my family members they are still with me. My dad, my mom.

house got robbed on last Monday and dad was sent to hospital.

That moment you went home, saw your mom was crying, maid was crying, lots of policemen and 

that heartbreak moment when you saw bloods on the floor once you stepped into your house.

I burst into tear.

Terrified.

But glad that dad is alright now. 

well, he's the bravest dad ever, and so do my mom. 

Thank God they are still with me. :)

Be thankful and always bare this in mind: safety first.

And hello jerks, karma will hit you guys soon, five of you, please go to hell seriously.

sigh.

Fruits is flooding inside the fridge btw. Too much of visitors and yeap, those backstabbers do exist too.

Maid said she ran out and yelled for helped but non of my neighbours lend out their hands. non even help to call police. 

See, this is a sad world, a cruel ones.

Okay, not to talk much about this since everything is alright now :)

I even dreamt of my results btw, gosh, I'm hoping for a peace of mind.

Marching on March

Gah, like phoenix rises from ashes and I'm finally here, like since when I stop blogging eh? :/

Okay, so I'm here today, 1st of March, 2013

typing my feelings out on keyboard.

I know I'm cool 

cause of MARCH weyh.

what?! Yes, you're right, today is the first day of March and I'm going to get my results next week.

Most probably next week lah, If not should be falls on these few weeks, on March for sure.

It kills my nerves, just merely think about it, It kills. 

Anyways, I'm not going to bang wall while waiting results to be released.

Why worry when you know you're going to face It SOMEDAY right. 

Should get prepared well mentally and expect the worst to get the best.

Like finally, ahh, someday, soon, I'm going to face It alone, again, and I know I have to accept this truth, I have to accept everything I got.

Plus, I wanna complain about my working life now can? -___-

Perhaps I would like to complain my job plainly cause of myself.

Guess I'm the lousiest accountant evarrrr, or should I say accountant's helper lah?

I'm too weak and guess I'm still in my own lego's world.

I need to stop this right away and kao tim everything by Monday.

No matter what.

And hello, David Choi is coming to Malaysia <3

listen

It's DAVID CHOI!  He sings songs, he creates awesome musics. He eats alot. He loves to take photos.

And yes, I'm waiting my mom to be home and ask permission to watch him live tomorrow ! :) (Y)

Hope I'll be there tomorrow and If I can't make It, I wish the best for his performance in Malaysia. :)

and same to Chester and David too ! 

Daebak !

Trip to remember

2013. A great begining for me :)

I went to Kuching Sarawak after Christmas and stayed for nine days.

Brought back souvenirs and of course positivity in life.

I brought back loves and cares. I've learnt to love my family and friends more.

And of course, I've learnt to love myself more. 

Siblings love, family love, friendship love :) caring all the way from the first day till the last. I was blessed through this nine days. God please bless my best friend and this Lee Chan family :)

My first flight in my life, my first countdown without my own family, my first longest trip, all in Sarawak! X)

Ate alot, played alot, enjoyed alot, felt the love and care alot :)

Thank you guys :)

A superb best friend Michelle, a perfect family with a caring parents, a brother Ah Ning, a sister Ah Mei, a pair of twins Ah Hao and Ah Jie :) These people are just too loving and they're funny. Food lovers and great story tellers :)

Nine days of laughters and I will never have had enough of this 

:)

Of course, I will never ever forget my own family which I really wanna love them even more after this trip.(Y)

I came back with the age starting of digit two gosh old ah ma and I came back with great new year resolutions. :D

New year resolutions 

1. Love myself more

2. Love and care my family more

3. Love and care my friends more

4. Stay srong and positive, like always

5. Cry less

6. Buy myself a DSLR

7. Feel blessed no matter how is my result

8. Be more mature

9. Have a peace of mind all the time

10. Settle down my education

11. Save more money

12. Reminisce memories]

13. Never ever forget to smile after my tears

14. Do my very best in everything

15. Keep fit (every girls' dream)

16 Okay height. hahahaha ya' know :) 

17 Smile more

18 Learn to stand on parents' positions

19 Think out of the box

20. Never give up on what I want to do and get

21. On the way 

will add up resolutions If I think of any hahaha, photos will be uploaded If I'm free :)

Stay awesome !

A little confession

Well hahahahhahahahahahahaha. I'm officially done my form six and done all my papers. Err, or I should say HELLO MY LONG HOLIDAYS, BYE BYE HIGH SCHOOL. BITCHES ROCK :)

Nine months of holidays, If I get good results and three months of holidays If results suck hahaha.

Good thing - I don't need to study and burn midnight oil with caffeine. And, I'm goin to have my great holidays spending with my beloved family and friends. Time to catch up with my friends :) Bad thing - Gotta leave school compound and school life forever. no more life in school, no more uniform, tie and assembly. Plus, I'm gonna miss my bitches badly. Memories oh memories. Can't meet people I wanna meet hmm and yes, I'm officially an adult that gotta work and get into society. Guess will work on Mid January If everything's alright and like what my parents settled for me. No more studying or taking course so far. After taking people's advice, parents made up their mind to let me step into working field. And I know I have to get into another position that I've never ever tried before. I have to be very responsible as in working under my "boss" and yeah working pressure I guess. Brand new life, brand new year resolutions hahahah. 

New missions, a brand new me :)

Another thing is I'm freaking worry about my results, I know we can't always hold an umbrella and wait for It to rain. But in another perspective, I'm actually worrying and making every possibilities to happen on me. Like I'm holding and umbrella to predict the rain. And of course, I've made the worst prediction and no matter how, I have to get over It. 

Leaving form six is an easy task actually, just the people that created memories for you. (Don't think you can forget them easily, I mean no way right? :)) I thank my friends that created wonderful memories for me. I thank my friends that let me felt the taste of tears and broken pieces. Overall I've learnt alot throughout this one and half years. I thank my parents for supporting me all the time. And thank you daddy, for helping me fill my car's petrol all this time. I love all of you :) owh and my sister and brother :)

Spending my holidays with errr, nope, not really outing with friends all the time I don't know why but I did enjoy my holidays spending with my family.members :) Watching dramas, and Youtube especially Wong Fu series. Awww Wesley Chan heh. He's always that charming and creative :) One of the hard kind to get I would say. May God bless him and his girlfriend :) *Okay If It's real :) I hope they will live happily ever after :)

Besides, I seriously hate those stupid emo guys. I mean those over dramatic types. That they think they can use their dramatic style and emoness to attract girls or just use to take their hearts? Ah, I mean no way. You can't take ones' heart If he or she doesn't like you. We like a person as we really like from our heart but don't ever accept someone we don't like. Hell. you will burn yourself and your life. So, no forcing and take It easy! I'm always holding this concept with me and that's why letting go is part of the process if you get me. Well. I still have to say thank you people, for everything :) Tears, laughter, awesomeness, everything !

Lastly, Happy Christmas Eve (TOMORROW) and I'm goin to enjoy my first and my last trip in this year 2012-Sarawak with my bestie Michelle Leong <3

2013- BE A BETTER PERSON. SEEKING FOR PERFECTION! :)

Happy Birthday dude ;)

1st November, that beat.

Feel so sorry for myself, for breaking my own rules

previous rule I meant, that will come back after my major exam,  STPM. *see now I'm bloggin :(*

I just feel to write some random things that I really wanted to tell people but I can't.

Or maybe I should just stick to random but not to rules ? :(

Okayy, let's talk about my recent life. You know It was very miserable one as exam is just 18 days left, that is like around 3 weeks. Then yeah, exam, exam exam till holidays. Okay, I know I will go through this very soon and I'm recently working on It.

I was asked which colours I like actually. Most of the people around me like purple, blue, orange etc. I know there're many colours out there, but I can't really pick any one I love. I mean, I love colours, that not really particular, but when It comes to some things, It will be particular. Randomly pink, red, yellow, will be okay for me I think. So when JJ asked, I told him I choose red. I don't know whether that's my favourite colour or not, but yeah, see, my bag is pink in colour, pencil case is blue black, mechanical pencil is purple. etc. I don't really fancy coincidence but this time, purple, both of them love purple, and It's like kind of faith for them you know. 

I wished before, that I told myself I will give It out after exams, but now, I have to pull It back.

Looking forward for Christmas, that everything will be ended. Right ? 

Hopefully lah, and now, back to my books :)

I have to stay strong and let go. 

Yes I am a strong girl and I know I can do It. Things are better to be left unsaid. Always :)

Best memories so far :)

If one would ask me, what is your best memories so far.
I would like to say form six.
I had many of my first time in form six and so I met one gang of good friends.
One gang of lunatics. Yes, they really are. :)
A gang of friends, that I know, they will be part of my best memories in life.
I can't say they are perfect but yes, for me, imperfection is perfect.
That I really want to cherish them and they're the one who I really wanted to say thank you buddies, for everything. I love them.
And guess what ? I even have Indian man as one of my besty :))
Like seriously I never thought of that, and so yes, that macha, my papa or I would like to say, brother :)
Somehow I had the feeling of going to school everyday, just because of some reasons.
That I think It's important for me and for my memories.
That I couldn't forget and will make me got that heart-felt feeling  :)))
But yet, I have to let go. I have to :)
Thank you, for giving some memories that will be eternal for me too :)
Memories, that given by this gang of form six lunatics, will be forever eternal.
Implanting into my heart core, that reminds me everyone of you, that I'm the luckiest person in this world.
And for now, I will just leave my blog blank, until I finish my war with my comrades :)

So YES, ALL THE BEST TO ALL MY BESTIES
I LOVE YOU GUYS :)))
STPM GUA LAI LIAO :)

Out.

Sorry that I have to be this sentimental or I should say emotional.
I will never forget that one glance that you people wouldn't get to know that.
Starting to realize those stupid things that I've done in form six.
That I thought I will just end my form six life in my own simplest way.
But no.

I'm out.
:(

Feel so bad, that sour feeling, that stucked inside my throat. Like cant be removed..

加油

我现在坚持是因为 我不想未来的我痛恨过去的自己

过去 现在 未来 同时存在

而我们只能活在现在

就为自己 热血那么的一次

不管发生什么事 我就是要坚持

加油

never let fear stand in the way of your dreams 

never let failure stops you from chasing your dreams.

Yes.

No matter how hard you've tried, you will never ever get It.

Something that I know, just that someone reminded me today.

Thanks Peter.

I feel you.