How?

20 days to go for the SPM examination.
Still remember when I was 15,  when I was Form 3
It seems I was more mature, more dicipline, more hardworking and know how to think at that time.
The most important is, I know what I have to do and I had get what I want that time. Haha
Now? Shit, I did shit, I think shit, everything shits happened these 2 years. I've lost my way. How?
Mom keep on asking me whether want in local university or Colleges. If I'm a an above average student, I'll choose Local University for sure. And I can apply some scholarship for myself ! I know mom and dad hope that I can read into local U because they want me to get a steady job and steady salary, at least in local, not overseas. Although it is hard to go through this path, but it is worth.
Anyway, the problem is am I smart enough to do that? Am I good enough to confront every obstacles later? Maybe.
Colleges? I don't know want to choose which courses and based on my shit result now, it is hard and I hav no confidence to choose any courses. I read science, not account, it is hard for me, and yes, stress for me to choose courses. I don't dare to choose, and I also don't know what to choose. I am damn regret not study well these two years, really regret for that, deep into my heart. No one can help me to do anything now. 20 more days! Better late than never?HUH? Ha~It doesn't suits me now. As you sow, so shall you reap. Ha. I know the answer because I never put my effort to sow anything. Consequences, I get Shit! *sigh. A bit regret to know some friends this year. They're fake, okay, maybe I was wrong and maybe that's all my fault, I can't blame them. ='C
So sorry for myself, mom and dad. What else I can do? How?
Life sucks.